Musical Auditions
by phoebenpiper
Summary: Sharpay and Ryan discuss what musical they'd like to perform in next.


**"Musical" Auditions** -- by phoebenpiper

"Ryan, it's time you and I decided on a musical for our winter production."

"Isn't that Ms. Darbus's job?"

"Of course. But as copresidents of the Drama Club, you and I have a responsibility to help steer Ms. Darbus in the right direction. To help her pick a show that will be PERFECT for East High."

"You mean a show that has great parts for the two of us."

"Naturally. So, what do you think?"

"I know! How about _Spring Awakening_?!"

"Get serious, Ryan. Principal Matsui won't even let us do _Grease_ due to 'questionable subject matter' -- do you really think he'd let us sing a song called 'Totally Fucked'?"

"Well...what did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking I'd make a fabulous Galinda -- don't you agree?"

"_Wicked_? But both leads are female."

"So?"

"*I* think we should do _Les Miz_ -- I can totally hit that high E in 'Bring Him Home'."

"But Ry, both leads in _Les Miz_ are male!"

"So?"

"Let's do _Nunsense_!"

"Let's do _Twelve Angry Men!_"

"Don't be STUPID, Ryan -- _Twelve Angry Men_ isn't even a musical!"

"Well, stop making ridiculous suggestions like _Nunsense_."

"Whatever! Let's think of older shows. We haven't done Rodgers and Hammerstein for a while. How about _The King and I_?"

"No. I'm not shaving my head."

"Where's your dedication, Ryan? Isn't your craft more important than your hair?"

"Would YOU shave your head?"

"Why? I wouldn't be up for the King of Siam."

"I think we should do something more modern, like _Hairspray_."

"No. I'm not gaining a hundred pounds just to get a lead."

"'Where's your dedication, Shar? Isn't your craft more important than your figure?' Shelley Winters gained weight for a role."

"Shelley Winters only had to gain thirty pounds for _The Poseidon Adventure_."

"I think that's all you'd need to...OW!"

"Ryan, this is serious! If we don't pick a good musical, we'll be stuck doing _Twinkle Towne _again."

"But...we weren't IN _Twinkle Towne_."

"Exactly! So what about _Little Women_?"

"There aren't any big male roles in it. What about _1776_ instead? You'd make a great Abigail Adams, and I'd KILL to play John."

"But we wouldn't have enough guys -- the drama club is mostly girls, and _1776_ only has two female roles."

"Hmmm. You have a point. So I guess that also rules out _How to Succeed in Business_, _South Pacific_, and _Damn Yankees_. So...what about _Godspell_? Or _Into the Woods_? Those are more balanced in terms of males and females."

"But those are both ensemble pieces -- there aren't any LEADS! If WE'RE picking the show, we need something we can STAR in."

"Well, if you don't want an ensemble show, that rules out LOTS: _A Chorus Line_; _Brooklyn;_ _Avenue Q;_ _Rent;_ _Hair;_ _You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown_. But how about _The Music Man_? That has solid leads."

"It also has children, Ryan. Where are we supposed to get children at East High?"

"But if we can't have children, THAT rules out _Annie_, _Oliver!_, _The Sound of Music_, and _The Secret Garden_."

"Not to mention _The Wizard of Oz_."

"But there aren't any children in _The Wizard of_....oh, right."

"I was thinking maybe _Finian's Rainbow_. I do a kickass Irish accent: _ doan-a ye agree, me darling?_"

"Yeah, you'd definitely make a good Sharon. But who would I be? Finian? I don't wanna play your father."

"I see you more as Og."

"The leprechaun? I don't wanna wear green tights...again!"

"Why not? You used to LOVE your green tights."

"When I was seven. And as I recall, you loved YOUR Muppet costume, too, but I don't see YOU volunteering to wear a pink snout in the winter musical."

"Okay, point taken. So what about _Beauty and the Beast_? That show has awesome parts for both of us."

"Awesome for YOU, maybe. But I don't wanna spend an entire show with my face covered up."

"Vain much, Ry?"

"Pot, kettle?"

"Fine! But then that rules out _The Lion King_, _Elephant!_, and _The Phantom of the Opera_."

"Like we'd EVER suggest a Webber musical anyway...though we ARE starting to run out of DECENT ones."

"No we're not -- we're just not trying hard enough."

"Speak for yourself."

"What?"

"Nothing. What about _Sweet Charity_?"

"No. I'm not playing a hooker."

"Charity's not a hooker...not exactly, anyway."

"Close enough."

"But a LOT of classic roles are hookers, Shar -- are you gonna rule them ALL out? Fantine in _Les Miz_? Nancy in _Oliver!_? Lulu in _East Hastings_? Not to mention the entire cast of _The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas_?"

"There are plenty of wholesome musicals out there -- I think we should do one of those."

"Like what? _Oklahoma_?"

"Hell no! Will and Ado Annie kick ass, but Curly and Laurie are BEYOND boring. I don't want to have to settle for secondary leads if we don't have to."

"True. So _Brigadoon_ is out as well -- Tommy and Fiona are fairly blah."

"And _Guys and Dolls_, too. We'd be awesome as Nathan and Adelaide, but Sister Sarah and Sky are the true leads."

"But they were really awesome in that London production we saw."

"I hate to tell you this, Ry, but you're no Ewan McGregor."

"Well, YOU'RE no...girl that played opposite Ewan, either!"

"What do you think about _Bye Bye Birdie_? That's a great show!"

"That's a possibility -- I'd make a good Albert. And can't you just see Troy as Conrad? For some reason, I can totally see him with a ducktail pompadour."

"Yes, he'd look fabulous!...But then I'd HAVE to be Kim, and she's not the lead."

"You could be Rosie."

"She's 'Spanish', Ryan. I don't really think I can pull off 'ethnic'."

"But there are LOTS of 'ethnic' shows -- _West Side Story_. _Dreamgirls_. _The Wiz_."

"_Fiddler on the Roof. Yentl. Miss Saigon_."

"_Miss Saigon_ isn't ethnic -- Jonathan Pryce played the Engineer in the London production."

"And Actors' Equity threw a FIT! Ms. Darbus is not gonna risk that kind of scandal here at East High."

"Then we'll stick with good ole American characters. Like _Peter Pan._"

"GREAT suggestion, Ry -- _Peter Pan_ is English, the show has children, and I am NOT playing a boy!"

"Not playing a boy? But...cross-dressing's a theatrical tradition! What about Viola? Or Rosalinde?"

"Cross-dressing is great for Shakespeare, but for musicals it's just...weird."

"So I guess you won't be playing Edwin Drood, either. Or Victor...or is it Victoria?"

"Along those same lines, AND because I love you, I won't even SUGGEST we do _La Cage aux Folles_."

"Why not?"

"Because you already have a 'reputation' at East High -- we don't need to be 'fanning those flames' any more."

"What flames?"

"Never mind! So what about _Chicago_?"

"That's like _Wicked_ -- two female leads. What about _Cabaret_ instead?"

"Too risque for East High."

"Um..._The Pajama Game_? _All That Jazz_?"

"What's with the sudden Bob Fosse fixation?"

"I'm just trying to think of shows we haven't mentioned yet."

"Maybe we should be more methodical about this. You know, do it alphabetically or something."

"Just like in _The Sound of Music: _''Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place--"

"OKAY, Ryan, that's enough singing for now! We need to concentrate. What 'A' shows are there?"

"Let's see. _Anything Goes_. _Assassins_. _Ain't Misbehavin'_. _Annie_."

"..._Get Your Gun_! Now THAT'S a good show for us."

"That's true. Irving Berlin's always a smart choice."

"And the leads are fairly even. There are fabulous duets, too: 'Anything You Can Do' and 'Old-Fashioned Wedding'."

"And of course 'There's No Business Like Show Business'."

"It's perfect! We could definitely do _Annie Get Your Gun_....Ryan! Where are you going?"

"We figured out a show -- aren't we done?"

"We can't stop with ONE show! We need to have SEVERAL, in case Ms. Darbus has objections."

"But I have stuff to do, Shar."

"'Stuff' more important than your future? Don't be ridiculous, Ryan! Now get back here, stop whining, and help me think of more shows!"

"We could always do _Kiss Me Kate._"

"Not bad -- Cole Porter. 'Too Darn Hot'. But what made you suddenly think of it?"

"Gee, I can't imagine, Kate--I mean, Sharpay."

"Or what about _My Fair Lady_? Eliza Doolittle is a classic character. And you'd be a rarity -- an 'enry 'iggins who could actually sing."

"That's true...But wait -- did you just give me a compliment, sis?"

"Of course, Ry! Everyone knows you're a good singer -- not as good as me, of course, but still good. And if you weren't talented, I certainly wouldn't be letting you help me pick out shows."

"Um...thanks?"

"So we've got three shows -- I think that's enough for now, don't you?"

"I guess."

"Great! Then I'll get you a script later today so we can start rehearsing right away."

"Script?"

"Of what we're gonna say to Ms. Darbus! We need to sound interested but CASUAL, like we're only interested in the good of the drama club...which, of course, we are!….Don't look so worried, Ry -- I'll write everything out for you. You're gonna be GREAT! Toodles!"

THE END


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